It's been years!

I haven't blogged in years.  So much has happened.

that new job at the firm? I lasted 18 months and then they fired me.  I left happily and started a new job at a start up 2 weeks later. 

6 months later the start up fired me.  I was unemployed for 6 months then I got a temporary gig in the city.  I was there for 7 months and then i had to leave.  2 months later I got another job and 10 months later they fired me.
wtf?

so the firm: I was given new clients after they'd done a finance deal so there is basically nothing to do.  after the finance round closes, they have however many millions of dollars to build their company so there's no work.  i couldn't keep my billables up because of instances like this.  and i'd always volunteer to help another paralegal but they didn't want to give their billable work away.

the start up: i went in as a paralegal and left as an account manager.  they role changed weekly.  it isn't anyone's fault, it's the nature of a start up.  that is how they become a company by adjusting all the time.  i am a paralegal, i am no account manager.

the other job: it was pretty good, i made good money and the location was easy.  it was an old company where people were there for decades--30, 40 years!  my mgr was a micro mgr and my predecessor would review my work all the time.  such a bad situation but i was willing to deal with it until the new year.

the temp gig: i remain friends with the woman i covered for and she is leaving next summer to move to Germany with her husband so that job will be available again.

also like a year after diamond passed away i got another dog, liberty.  liberty looks exactly like diamond but she's a different color like a weimaraner color.  but she's a pit

when will I succeed at work?  when?

a few thoughts on recruiters...

The relationship between a recruiter and someone looking for a new opportunity is abusive and sick.

A recruiter calls you—woos you.  Plays up some manure trading company in Iowa as the next big thing. Makes you feel special, like this manure company NEEDS a skill set like yours. They are growing like crazy and don’t know how they have managed all these years without you.  You have everything they want and need, you tick all the boxes! YOU! The smartest, most capable person they know.  You are EXACTLY what the client is looking for!! Then yay! The client wants to see you, so you pretty up, brush up on a company you could care less about, so you can present yourself to be scrutinized. Then for whatever reason the client passes and you become contagious—a smelly, oozing leper. Your emails and calls go unanswered and you never hear from that recruiter again.  Of course until the next BIG THING!  More like until they need to renovate their kitchen and need an influx of cash.  Recruiters out there? Fuck you!

New job

Hi. I've been at my new job for about 2 months and I think it's going well.  I felt completely at home when I walked in--no first day jitters, nothing.  As I waited for the HR lady to come get me an attorney strolls in with a chocolate lab. Yup they allow dogs! Imagine that?  Another great sign.
:)

I know, I know, it's been a long time. ..

Hi. I know it's been s long time since I've written a post. A lot had happened. Good and sad.

God news first, I got a new job!  I start next week but am so happy to be out of my last job. It was awful. My ex-manager is the worst!   Condescending, racist, inappropriate, retaliatory... need I say more?

With the new job I get a prestigious place to work, training, 24 hours pto and a 40% raise. It's located 2 exits south from my old job so further but worth it I think and hope.

Now the sad news, Diamond passed away. I don't want to go into the details but she had cancer and was in absolute agony. She died on November 7th at home. She went very peacefully and for that I am so very thankful.. She was the love of my life and it's been difficult, but I'm what can I say? It was the best thing I could do for her. I miss her every day and feel the loss every day.

I truly believe she is at peace and that her passing some how has a direct correlation to me getting this job. I'm not sure how but I just really felt like she was setting me free from the worrying and running home to take care of her. I didn't realize how much stress I was under until a few weeks later when I slept 14 hours. I had been waking up around 3 am every night to listen to her breathe for months. Anyway, she is gone but her life changed me for the better, helped me when I needed it...

So much to say, yet don't really feel like it...

I haven't been blogging much, just had a 180 change of 'tude and decided to stop bucking the system and go with this new gig and see where it takes me.

 I actually enjoy my new role immensely. It was good once I stopped fighting and thinking that I'm better than this, I'm not. I managed thru a year end month and loved the high stress action of it all. 

I've gone back to Bozeman twice since the first time and find it enjoyable although my plane has a propeller. I am friendly with Ashley and I want to say Kate (but can remember) who are the breakfast waitresses at the Hilton Garden Inn where I stay. They are interesting and fun. I also am friendly with Josh the bartender at Old Chicago restaurant. The staff there, and every one really, are super friendly. 

I like going to into the office there and have become friendly with Chris, tony, Brent, Linda and a few others. They are fun and funny and friendly. :)

All in all not bad...

Bozeman, Montana

Spent the week here: . It's was fun! Stay tuned for the update....

as luck would have it...

I started a new job this week and wouldn’t you know it I have two second interviews at other companies!

I am so excited for the possibilities :o)

One is at a law firm and one is in house at a pharma co.   

The pharma is corporate and securities for an up and coming company.  It’s been around for quite a while but last year was a banner year for them where they were awarded two FDA approvals for their cancer drugs.  Apparently that’s huge in that world and it has been experiencing extreme growth. 

The law firm job is with a prominent firm and is in healthcare M&A.  This role encompasses many of my skills although I have never used them all together in this way.  The firm is well respected and there are no billable hours, which is unheard of for a firm.  I am interested in both so we will see…stay tuned!

New(ish) Gig

I started a new job with my same company this week. Today is day two…

I was not excited at all.  You know how you get excited/nervous before starting a new job?  Well none of that--in fact quite the opposite.  Last week I had nightmares, one where I was mugged in a dark alley and I was so frightened I couldn’t scream, and another where someone was trying to take Diamond from me and I said “over my dead body!” and there ya go, I was killed.  What do YOU think that means?  I have a pretty good idea…I already blogged about the clusterfuck it was getting this role.

But as I said, today is day two and I had to book a trip to meet the team.  I was told that the weather in Montana will be nice but to dress for a blizzard because apparently they form within minutes.  Great.  I live in California, I have no “blizzard wear”.

Anyway, the job is new in that they use different acronyms and terms for basically the same thing I did in my last role.  As my new manager was describing it to me I was finishing her sentences.  She seemed to like the fact that I am familiar with not only what they expect of the person in the role, but of the company’s many hoops.

Day two and still not excited.

Random Friday

Today was a great day. I met a friend in Burlingame at an outside cafe. We had lunch--pork belly and salt cod--YUM!! And a few drinks in the sunshine. It was great! 70 something degrees today in February!! Ahhh love it here!

Then I went home and took ms thing on a looong walk :)

My friend Susan.

What can I say?? I still miss her when I allow myself to. It saddens me greatly because she was not only my friend but she was a really good, decent, kind person. She was intelligent and funny and fun to be around and she made me feel hopeful because she always had a plan to do better--be better...even if she never did anything she planned on doing, she still had the plan.

Miss you my friend. I wish I took a picture of you.

Frank

Good news!!! Frank found a forever home!!!

Thankfully he was only at Rocket Dog for a few days before a woman fostered him and decided to keep him.

I am extremely please with the family that has adopted Frank. They have a fenced in yard, a 5 year old Frank absolutely adores and a submissive dog that's bigger than Frank! Ha! I spoke with his new mom on the phone for like a hour last week. Then we exchanged pictures and funny videos of him when he was with me and him when he's with her and her family.

Last Sunday Diamond and I met them at the farmers market and we got to see him again and meet her in person. Seriously a great match. Susan would be happy. It was funny/odd meeting at the farmers market because that's where Susan and I used to meet before walking the dogs.

Bittersweet.

Fuck-ers

Here I am thinking I'm in a good place because I thought i was negotiating a new position with my current company and I have a final interview with another company next week. Then I find out that the offer letter has been initiated but I have not agreed to the salary. I am not certain why they would initiate the offer if I have not agreed to the salary, other than to force my hand which pisses me off.

I am so fucking pissed I can't stand it and I find sneaky underhanded shady shit like this is a blow to my ego.

My hope is that this other job works out and I can say Suck It!! To my company and move the fuck on....

Back home

I got back from vacation and want to list what I've found so far that irritates me. I had a dog sitter stay in my home with my dog and he ate my food and drank my booze. He smoked weed and used the top to my jewelry box as an ashtray. He fed my dog a months worth of treats, 2 cans of pumpkin on top of her food. She can barely move she's so lethargic over being over fed.

I left written instructions in how much to feed her. What's the problem?? Fuck man!

I'm seriously irritated!

Vacation and shit on my mind

I'm on vacation. I'm sleepy. I'm at my moms house. It's raining :(. I can't get away from work...fuck man!

I've had time to think about the position I have applied for at work. I am beginning to believe that they are trying to low ball me. The original position I applied for was a B3 pos but they closed it and then told me apply for another position and I think it's a B2. Hate them.

Please give me the strength to get thru this.

Vacation

Going away on vacation tomorrow. Need the warmth. Gonna miss the dog.

Sigh...

Wfh today. Got a pedicure. Dark purple polish. Cold and windy. Ran with the dog. Ran. With. The. Dog. Watching traveling pants movie. Love it.

Unfair

I work at a gigantic company in California.  I have been here for about 4 years.  I have been looking for another job for about 4 years because I hate working at a huge conglomerate.  For the past 203 months, I have been interviewing for a position with a different group at my company.  I've had a phone interview with 7 or 8 people that lasted like an hour and a half, then I had an in-person interview with 3 team members for another hour and a half.  Then more than a month goes by and I receive an email asking for another meeting.  I asked them what it would be regarding so I am prepared and was told they'd like to discuss salary.  I am excited thinking they are going to make an offer soon if we are discussing salary.


But no.  What they wanted to notify me of is the company policy that states that if you take a job within the company you have make a lateral move and wait until review time to have your salary adjusted.  Review time is 9 months away!!  I was so disappointed!  I could not believe what I was hearing!  It takes months and months just to get ramped up in this company, so what he is telling me is that my experience working here and doing  this a similar job for the past 4 years, means nothing.  That he would bring someone in off the street at a higher rate and that I would make less than the bottom of the pay range???  And in 9 months there is no guarantee that I will get ANY increase at all???

How about fuck you?

Frank

Having Frank was really hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. I figured I walk, feed and care for a dog already, what's the big deal adding another dog to that routine?? Well it's a huge deal. Huge.

First of all he is untrained. I run my house with strict rules that have been developed and honed through years of learning to cope with Diamond's separation anxiety. The last thing I need is a dog to come in and fuck with our dynamic.

Frank did. He was over excited over anything we did. If I got up, he got up. If I walk down the hall, he was on my tail. He was constantly pushing his way on front of Diamond even to the point where she tumbled down the stairs because he had to be the first one out the door.

It got to be too much for me. I was constantly trying to train him and Diamond was depressed and losing fur. It was sooo stressful.

I ended up sending him to rocket dog. He's a rocket dog after all. I needed a break shoot! I am going to consider fostering an older dog more like Diamond so they get along better. Diamond couldn't stand Frank.

If any one out there reads my blog (I doubt it) please consider giving that big dope a good life. Like i said he's sweet just rough around the edges.

Frank

So you know how I told you my friend Susan died? Luckily I got her dog Frank out of the pound today. Frank is a male German shepherd. He's huge and very sweet. I am going to foster him until the foster place, Rocket Dog, can get him a forever home or at least a more permanent foster home. I hope that i will be able to come get him on occasion for a walk and sleepover. He is really sweet but I cannot afford to keep him. He has health issues.

I hope it all works out for him and he gets a great new family with tons of space.

Loss

The past few days have been a whirlwind.

I have a friend named Susan who has been there for me and diamond since the beginning. When diamond couldn't stay home alone, Susan took her in. When I has surgery, Susan walked her for me. If I needed a $20 to make it to payday, Susan was there for me. We'd talk and talk and laugh and share tons of stories and just...we were friends. I saw her almost every weekend and spoke with her several times a week. I loved this wacky woman.

Right when we first met about 6 years ago she took her blind brother in to live with her in her one bedroom apartment. He was in no way handicapped. He is an accomplished scientist. An accomplished scientist who lay down in her bed for Literally YEARS. He practically rotted in that bed. When he had manic episodes he would be violent and abusive.

This went on for years and years. Just last week he went manic again and she had to throw him out. He went to LA and began calling her constantly. Harassing her, threatening her, stressing her out until finally she lay down and never woke up again.

This was my friend. One of my closest friends and bestest. A friend who knows stuff about me that no one else knows.

I miss her so much. I'm so sad she died like she did - alone. I hope she is finally at peace.

Diamond and I love you my friend, rest in peace.